Excerpt:
“Death is Peaceful, Life is Harder” ― Stephenie Meyer, Twilight
Tears blurred my eyes making it hard to see as I stood up on the bridge. It was tall enough that if I jumped I would die and that’s exactly what I wanted. I no longer wanted to live, I had no reason to stay but every reason to go. I clenched my hands into fists and willed the tears to stop falling down my cheeks. Why was tears falling? Was it all the words everyone spoke about me? Was it how my best friend left me, was it because of the guy who mended my heart then broke it, or was it that I killed my brother, Emmett? Maybe it was all of it combined, whatever it was I don’t know what snapped but I was glad it did or I wouldn’t have the courage to jump. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. But I sat down not ready to jump yet, but I knew I would be.
I thought back to when everything was right, where my dad hadn’t been an alcoholic, and my mom was sweet and kind. Where we were a happy family and where my brother was still alive. I couldn’t remember when that had been, I think it was when I was nine? At that age I used to always want to grow up but now at age sixteen I understand why Peter Pan never wanted to. I used to understand why Wendy wanted to go home, she had a nice family, but I wish I was there and not here as my family doesn’t even notice me. Age nine, it was when I was scared of the monsters under my bed and not the ones in my head. But now I know that the happiness was all a lie, we were all bad inside, we all had a deep dark secret. No one could trust anyone in this world because even your shadow leaves you in the darkest of times.
I stood at the ledge looking down at the peaceful water. Peaceful was something you would not describe me on the inside.
I remember when I never was in the stupid Princess Games. When I never had to worry about losing or winning only about if someone was to find out my secrets. But they had. And like everyone else they left, leaving me alone. I couldn’t blame them, I was messed up and I was the one to blame as it was always my fault. It is my fault. But in the end I knew this would happen as even your shadow leaves you in the darkest of times. And I was all alone, not even a shadow to keep me company.
I looked up at the sky to see a sky of storm clouds, it thundered and the birds flew overhead, probably trying to find a place to get out of the storm. I always loved storms though I don’t know why. I think it was because the storm is how I felt inside most of the time. How I wanted to scream so loud, but no one ever recognizes the thunder only the lightning. How I wanted to punch something so hard it would sound like thunder and my hand would shatter. I wanted to run until I passed out like rain goes until it has no more. I just used to love the storms and I still do. Maybe this storms represents a higher power telling me It’s okay for me to jump, it’s okay for me to fly. It’s okay for me to die, It’s okay because no one want’s me here anyway. It would be more peaceful in death than it would be in life.
I dangled one foot off the ledge and giggled. What would my school think of me know? What would everyone think when they found out the weird girl at school was gone or what would my friends and enemies in the Princess games think, probably, “Good riddance, No one liked her anyways.” I know exactly why they would say that too, I want myself to be gone too. All the words people called me, including my family floated through my head. No one would miss me, I am just a waste of space. I am a waste of oxygen, a waste of space and just a waste.
If I did this, everyone would be free of me. I would be free of me. I would be free of the demons clouding my mind, the constant reminder of how I am messed up and how I will never be like everyone else. I will never be normal, because I am just a waste, a waste. Everyone thinks so and now so do I, but I don’t mind as it’s true, it’s true that I am messed up, it’s true that I am a waste of space and a waste of oxygen.
I took one last breath and all at once the clouds opened up, the street lights went on and water drenched me head to toe. I loved storms. This was like a farewell to me from a higher power. I looked up at the sky, the rain landing on my face and rolling down along with the last of my tears. I smiled and then, I jumped…
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For now my RCT's and your little gummy bears too. Whahahahaahahahaha.
Leggo ya lots! :)
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